Compliment or insult?

Have you ever been walking by the street and suddenly heard “Hey, gorgeous!” said by a complete stranger? This week, a classmate was subjected to this. Having witnessed many similar situations like this one I would like to write about it.

First of all I would like to bring to attention that the action previously described is known as catcalling. When I learnt the name, I was like What? Really? Even the name of the action is offensive. Besides the origin of the word meant a kind of whistle or squeaking instrument used to express disapproval at a theatre. (Oxford dictionary).

Secondly, I have always wondered why they do it. Why do men (and women, let’s be honest) feel the need to speak to a stranger in such an intimate way? Are they trying to compliment the person, make her/him feel uncomfortable or are they just looking for something to do? I searched the net to see what people thought about it. Of course there is a lot of information, and even though most of it puts men in the role of the offender and women in that of the victim, there are different sides.There are people who believe men are that way. They need to express themselves and they can’t do it in delicate ways. This people declare that men’s intention is to compliment women and that they should be thankful for the attention. In opposition, many people call catcalling street harassment and repudiate it. There are several programs that try to fight against this. StopStreet Harassment is the name of a non-profit organisation in the US.  Hollaback is another organisation that provides information and that have the vision of “a world where street harassment is not tolerated and where we all enjoy equal access to public spaces,". They have also created a list of myths surrounding street harassment.  Something that was interesting to know about was the project Hey Baby. This is the idea of a 22 year old artist who takes pictures of the men who “catcall” her and posts it on the net as a form of protest. I have found two facebook groups that are devoted to this in relation to Latin American women. They are No al acoso callejero o "piropos" (violencia verbal a las mujeres) and Paremos el acoso callejero. A third group of people claim women who are recipient of these “compliments” are asking for it because they wear clothes that are provocative.

Finally, taking into account that there are many opinions in relation to this situation, I believe we need to think about our own feelings and thoughts on the matter. Do we feel flattered or insulted to be called honey or gorgeous by strangers? Do we feel offended if the other person is not considered to be handsome but we let it slide if they are? Do we really need this external validation of our beauty? And are they even that? This is an important issue, specially in our country because women seem to accept this situation as common due to the fact that it's engraved in our culture.

Personally, I have always been amazed by the creativity some guys have when approaching a woman but that is because I am not the recipient of their words. I think that if someone I don’t know makes a comment about my clothes or my body I would feel uncomfortable and self-conscious, even if it is said with the best intentions. It would not matter if I find that person attractive or not. For me it’s a matter of politeness. That is why I love some tips that Mike Reynolds gives on what to do when you come across another human being walking down the street and you have the urge to speak to them:

1. Spot the person walking.

2. Think of what you'd like to say to that person. Get your sentence (or phrase or paragraph) perfect.

3. Smile because humans all need more smiles and say "hi", not the long sentence you had perfected.

4. Did they say "hi," back? Did they engage in discussion? Yes? That's wonderful, maybe they do want to talk. No? Then...

5. Keep walking. Or waiting for your bus or buying a poutine at the food truck stand or whatever it was you were doing in the streets.

Calling out the catcallers by Mike Reynolds

The poet and actress Blythe Baird also speaks of this in her poem “Girl code 101”. She takes the issue from the perspective of how women are conditioned to live accepting this situation.

What do you think about it? I would like to read your comments on the matter.