Compliment or insult?

Have you ever been walking by the street and suddenly heard “Hey, gorgeous!” said by a complete stranger? This week, a classmate was subjected to this. Having witnessed many similar situations like this one I would like to write about it.

First of all I would like to bring to attention that the action previously described is known as catcalling. When I learnt the name, I was like What? Really? Even the name of the action is offensive. Besides the origin of the word meant a kind of whistle or squeaking instrument used to express disapproval at a theatre. (Oxford dictionary).

Secondly, I have always wondered why they do it. Why do men (and women, let’s be honest) feel the need to speak to a stranger in such an intimate way? Are they trying to compliment the person, make her/him feel uncomfortable or are they just looking for something to do? I searched the net to see what people thought about it. Of course there is a lot of information, and even though most of it puts men in the role of the offender and women in that of the victim, there are different sides.There are people who believe men are that way. They need to express themselves and they can’t do it in delicate ways. This people declare that men’s intention is to compliment women and that they should be thankful for the attention. In opposition, many people call catcalling street harassment and repudiate it. There are several programs that try to fight against this. StopStreet Harassment is the name of a non-profit organisation in the US.  Hollaback is another organisation that provides information and that have the vision of “a world where street harassment is not tolerated and where we all enjoy equal access to public spaces,". They have also created a list of myths surrounding street harassment.  Something that was interesting to know about was the project Hey Baby. This is the idea of a 22 year old artist who takes pictures of the men who “catcall” her and posts it on the net as a form of protest. I have found two facebook groups that are devoted to this in relation to Latin American women. They are No al acoso callejero o "piropos" (violencia verbal a las mujeres) and Paremos el acoso callejero. A third group of people claim women who are recipient of these “compliments” are asking for it because they wear clothes that are provocative.

Finally, taking into account that there are many opinions in relation to this situation, I believe we need to think about our own feelings and thoughts on the matter. Do we feel flattered or insulted to be called honey or gorgeous by strangers? Do we feel offended if the other person is not considered to be handsome but we let it slide if they are? Do we really need this external validation of our beauty? And are they even that? This is an important issue, specially in our country because women seem to accept this situation as common due to the fact that it's engraved in our culture.

Personally, I have always been amazed by the creativity some guys have when approaching a woman but that is because I am not the recipient of their words. I think that if someone I don’t know makes a comment about my clothes or my body I would feel uncomfortable and self-conscious, even if it is said with the best intentions. It would not matter if I find that person attractive or not. For me it’s a matter of politeness. That is why I love some tips that Mike Reynolds gives on what to do when you come across another human being walking down the street and you have the urge to speak to them:

1. Spot the person walking.

2. Think of what you'd like to say to that person. Get your sentence (or phrase or paragraph) perfect.

3. Smile because humans all need more smiles and say "hi", not the long sentence you had perfected.

4. Did they say "hi," back? Did they engage in discussion? Yes? That's wonderful, maybe they do want to talk. No? Then...

5. Keep walking. Or waiting for your bus or buying a poutine at the food truck stand or whatever it was you were doing in the streets.

Calling out the catcallers by Mike Reynolds

The poet and actress Blythe Baird also speaks of this in her poem “Girl code 101”. She takes the issue from the perspective of how women are conditioned to live accepting this situation.

What do you think about it? I would like to read your comments on the matter.

Living, not merely working

In one of the books I had to read last week, I found this lovely poem.

Work

There is no point in work

unless it absorbs you

like an absorbing game.

If it doesn’t absorb you

if it’s never any fun,

don’t do it.

When a man goes out into his work

he is alive like a tree in spring,

he is living, not merely working.

D. H. Lawrence

 Taken from: Ribe, R. and Vidal, N. (1993). Project work. Heineman, Oxford.

When I first read this poem, it reminded me of a post I once saw on Facebook. Both texts speak of doing what we love in order not to feel that earning our daily bread and butter is a burden. Personally, I agree with the essence of the words, life slips through our fingers while we try to meet society standards. Moreover, most of the time, we do not even stop for a moment to think about our own dreams and desires. But is it that easy to live by this principle? I believe that we do not have the freedom to do it. May be small wishes can be fulfilled but unless we have someone or something to lean on, our deepest dreams might always be just that.

 Once I read the poem I tried to find it on the Internet. The text I originally read is nothing but an extract and the complete poem speaks of much more than this. I have no words for it. I merely share it with you. (You can read the entire poem here )

Realistic depiction or stereotype?

Have you ever found yourself watching a video about how to make a waterfall braid when you started your search on wild animals in danger of extinction? It may seem unreal but the click from the mouse seems to follow the rambling directions that my brain gives, which leads to maze-like jumps from web page to web page, changing topic with no reason whatsoever.   
While using the Internet in this bizarre way, I found a video. This particular video is the creation of the English teacher, poet and battle rapper Mark Grist. 

I was initially drawn to the video because of its name and author.  After having done an analysis of a similar work (“You should date an illiterate girl” byCharles Warnke) from the perspective of the Systemic Functional Linguistic, I was particularly interested in men’s perspective on women.

Grist’s piece of spoken-word poetry immerses us in the daily nature of a meeting between a group of friends. His words, accompanied by the situation portrayed in the video allow us to feel as if we were having a conversation with Mark Grist. In addition, his use of colloquial language mixed with references to different authors makes his poet a delightful work to listen to. 

In his depiction of the woman he likes, he conveys a verbal image of her as having depth and versatility. He defines her as being able to be cheeky but also expressing herself in an appropriate manner, making use of a wide range of vocabulary. Not only does she read the classics but also magazines, menus, poems, cereal boxes.  She is not a book snob. On the contrary, she enjoys several different types of texts. The woman described is independent and considered an equal by the poet.  And even though physical appearance is mentioned, she is not considered only for it. The author makes it clear that her uniqueness derives from her capacity of looking for varied ways to entertain herself and enrich her knowledge.

But as his words sank in, I could not help but wonder: Isn’t his portrayal a bit unrealistic? He does portray a woman that is more realistic that those who generally appear in advertisement and some books. Women who look pretty at all times and are only interested in spending money. But is literacy really a sign of intelligence or is this just another stereotype, albeit a positive one? Are all women who read witty and versatile? Furthermore, are women who don’t make from reading a pastime not witty and unable to win an argument?  I know this is the description of a particular woman that lives in his mind, a woman he would like to meet but isn’t he putting too much effort in building an image that generalizes the characteristics of women who read? I certainly think so.

Go to Files for the written poem with links to a description of the authors, magazines and stores mentioned.

The beauty of silence

While searching for information about a film director, I came across the poster of a film that is engraved in my memory due to the wonder and confusion experienced when watching it for the first time. 빈집(3 iron or Empty houses), directed by Kim Ki-duk allowed me to come in contact with a different way of making films that does not focus on special effects but rather on the story being told. Nevertheless the image is not disregarded. All of the resources are simply used to create the most magnificent story, portraying reality with elements of fantasy. That is why, after three years, I decided to watch the film once again and determine whether its charm was lost.

The story

Tae-suk is a young drifter who appears to be homeless by inclination as much as necessity; he squats in the homes of strangers while they're away, carefully seeing to it that no damage is done to the property and sometimes performing small household chores as display of gratitude. One day Tae-suk sneaks into a house where a number of photos of a beautiful model adorn the walls.After eating, washing up, and doing some minor repairs, Tae-suk discovers he's being watched by the woman of the house, Sun-hwa, and he soon recognises her as the model in the photos. However, Tae-suk sees that Sun-hwa has been badly bruised, and suspects she's been the victim of domestic violence. When Tae-suk returns to the home later that evening, his suspicions are confirmed as he sees Sun-hwa being slapped around by her husband, Min-kyo. Tae-suk impulsively bursts into the house, grabs a golf club, and attacks Min-kyo with it; moments later, Tae-suk and Sun-hwa ride away together on his scooter, and she silently joins him in his existence as a squatter, which slowly blossoms into a love affair.

Source: Rotten Tomatoes

A reason for my fascination

The charm was definitely not lost and I enjoyed the film even more than the first time. The appeal of the film lies in the fact that silence becomes a character in the story.  The words spoken are scarce in the film, which is why the viewers are able to witness the power of body language in getting the message across. The fact that the two main characters experience the anguish and joy of their relationship without exchanging a single word is proof of it. Their bodies (especially their faces) are able to express such myriad of emotions that words are not missed. Their eyes speak of suffering, resilience and love. Their hands tell stories of selflessness and the inner desire to help. Their bodies carry the scars of physical and emotional pain but also of hope. Furthermore, the presence of Sun-hwa's husband as the character that speaks the most reinforces the need for silence due to the fact that his words generally involve humiliation and violence, which are complemented by the physical manifestation of them.

Silence is Tae-suk and Sun-hwa's constant companion. Not only does it witness their struggles for happiness but also constitutes their safety against the violence of words. Thus, the beauty of the film lies in what is not said, in the exquisite use of gestures and actions to portray an unusual love story.

Coming from a culture in which silence in a relationship is the prelude of problematic situations, a sign of awkwardness or loss of care, I find astonishing its existence as a shelter.